Emotional rollercoaster is an Understatement

I arrived to the hospital today with the book, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  My first day to the start of my daily reading to Austin.  I was excited to see him and read to him.  My husband was already there.  My first question, as always-"how's Austin today?".  Everyone said how touchy he is acting.  Desatting a lot, and his oxygen requirements were over 50%.  They had just ordered and x-ray on his chest to check his tube placement.  He was needing secretions suctioned from his lungs every 10-15 minutes, a change from once an hour or longer.

 The x-ray is done, and as his nurse is laying him back to a comfortable position, he clamps down, holding his breath and not taking breaths.  Yes the vent is in there, but he is clamped down.  She calls for another nurse and his alarms are going off.  Scotty and I are standing in the hallway, and I see his numbers dropping (oxygen stats) 80, 72,53,38,27.......  He's not getting his oxygen.....  He is pale white.... pale pale pale white.   I said, "Scotty, I don't think he's breathing..."  His isolette is surrounded by about 6 nurses and RT's (respiratory therapists).  His heart rate drops 110. 105, 93, 86......  Then it comes up to 102 112, down to 98, up to 116... and keeps rising...... His oxygen stats are going up, 55, 68, 77 and slowly rise from there.  A nurse comes to us as we're crying, standing far enough to be out of the way but close enough to check on whats happening.  She said, "I'm sorry, but he's recovering.  He's a little pale still, but his color will pinken up here shortly."  We were crying.  He'd never had an episode like that.  It was so awful.  We immediately went to his bedside after he was okay, and nurses had cleared out... we both put our hands in there and talked to him.  He scared us more than we've ever been scared in our lives.  From here --there were blood tests and viral cultures ordered.  The x-ray looked normal, and although he isn't acting like a "sick baby" they're going to do the tests to rule these things out.  He started the steroids yesterday... things should be moving in the other direction.  

Ventilator setting adjustments were made.  His pressure time was changed and breathes given reduced.  So basically, instead of getting many, short breaths, he's receiving longer inhale and exhale periods.... opening lungs and airway more.  **make sense..?**  This really helped him out!  I started to see improvements in less than 2 hours.  He wasn't desatting.... his oxygen requirement went down a little bit... he needed less suctioning.  If that's what he needed and he knew it and wanted something done... he sure did get our attention... I just don't want him to EVER do that again.  It was so scary!

 His blood work came back great.  His blood gas was great.  So far, no signs of infection or sickness per his blood work.  Waiting on the results of the cultures.  I stayed all day (11-7).  I needed to stay until he made me feel better.  And he did!  I read to him and he looked at me and listened.  He had a couple desats, but came right up and wasn't dropping low at all.  He had more in the first few minutes I had arrived than in the 4 hours after the ordeal....  He took well to the vent adjustments. 

All in all... today was crummy.  BUT I choose to focus on his turn around.  He dug up the strength and made it through the absolute worse moment, thus far, of his NICU stay.  Then he took well to the adjustments made.  He's so strong.  I talked and stayed with him all afternoon.  He rested a lot.  He looked at me a lot.  He still squirmed as his usual self does.  And he smiled a lot this afternoon too!  I love my little Austin.

I hope that I can continue to have the strength I've had this long... but I am not sure I can have the strength to stand by and watch that again.  I don't want to find out if I would have the strength twice.  Never want to know.

(BTW... today Austin is gestationally 31 weeks....)

GOD IS GOOD.  Austin is getting baptized tomorrow at 1 pm. 

Many thanks for all of your love, support, and continual prayer.  May God continue to Bless each of you.