Our little Miracle

Our little Miracle
"And the Child grew and became strong in spirit, filled with wisdom; and the grace of God was upon him." ~Luke 2:40

Thursday, October 11, 2012

What my son, Austin, has taught me

There are so many things that motherhood teaches you.  My oldest son, Drew, was born in 2004.  He is eight.  He has taught me so much... but I too, just as any parent, had lost some of those lessons over the years.  Like how folding laundry can wait a minute.  Or like how if he forgot to brush his teeth this morning its not the end of the world.  BUT Austin has brought back all the lessons learned and taught me even more..... his fragile beginning also gave me a new view on life and the world and on God.  And for that, I will be forever thankful for the journey of the NICU and his early arrival.  I am not saying that parents with healthy, full term babies don't receive these views or lessons..... but I am saying that its easier to forget these lessons, or not realize how special each and every moment is.  I guess I mean that its harder for them to look through a microscope at how infinitely special parenthood is... and that of a preemie, a micro preemie, ever so more!
So this is what Austin has taught me (*oh my I am tearing up.... what a *almost a* year this has been)!
Austin has taught me patience.  He has taught me that it is okay to fear, but to do so with unlimited HOPE.  He has taught me that there is nothing better to rely on than on God and love- and the love of God.  He has taught me that this moment, right now, this very second should be the most special in your life, along with the next second and the next and the next.  He has taught me that focusing on something that you can not change is not worth your energy.  He has taught me that "what ifs" are just that- what ifs... they are nothing because currently they do not exist, so only "worry" about them IF they present themselves.  He has taught me that you can not change what is, you can only learn to live and adjust to it, but you can grow from it and some times that growth brings change.  He has taught me that special needs isn't always what society believes it is, but that it is something that should be cherished, no matter what definition it holds.  He has taught me that angels don't always have wings, aren't always "behind the scenes", but are, at times, right in front of your face, sometimes saving your child's life.  He has taught me that tomorrow is not promised, but that when it comes to your health, its still wise to plan for tomorrow.  He has taught me that sometimes the smallest of all things is quite the opposite, but the biggest, the strongest, the most relevant.   He has taught me that statistics are not always in your favor, and the odds may be breathing down your neck against you- but that there is always the other side of the number- the ones who beat the odds, its possible, it happens, and it did.  Austin has taught me that everyone has their own problems, their own lives and that's okay- let them live the way they want to live, and worry about your own.  He has taught me that some people may never know what to say, how to react to some situations, so they stay away, and that's okay.  He has taught me that "normal" is what you define it as..... not what society tells you it is.    I have learned that silence is sometimes the loudest moment of your day.  He has taught me that weak moments pass, so let it out and cry, just remember to pick your head up and look to the Lord for guidance, and you can get through anything.  He has also taught me that 4 is a perfect number, and that my family is now complete!!!

I still hear "I do not know how you (did) do it.  You're so strong", and I thank people for that... but I also say, I am a mother, this is my child.  I will get through anything for them.  I handled it the way I did for two reasons, my faith and the help of God, and for my family, my two boys and my husband.  Those two reasons alone.  It made it easier to know that they were going through it too.  It made it easier to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and although the journey may have been long, there was always going to be an end..... we just had to get there and get there with Austin alive and healthy..... and we did!

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